As a child, I remember being asked this time & time again. And goodness me! Somehow, somewhere, I had strayed so far from anything I had ever dreamed to be that I didn’t know who I was anymore.
At what point exactly had I decided to chase the career I was chasing?
It occurred to me that such a point didn’t exist... worse, it occurred to me I wasn’t even chasing this career, I was drifting into it. And doubly worse, I don’t think I was even good at it. This epiphany enlightened me, so much so that it enlightened the way to a premature mid-life crisis. Well of course it did, being the self-entitled millennial that I am.
I needed help. I consulted my inner child.
One of the most responsible things you can do as an adult is to become more of a child. - Dr. Wayne. W. Dyer
I imagined child Sheena standing in front of me and she's super short so I got down on one knee, looked her in the eye and asked... “Will you want to do this when you're older?” NO, she said with too much conviction not to be taken seriously.
OK “pole apparel designer” wasn’t in the grand plan either, but only because child Sheena lived under a conservative rock and didn’t know what pole dancing was. If she knew, it would have been in the plan for sure.
At the beginning of my pole journey, when Superman burned like crazy. Now, the pain isn't there anymore, at least not this move.
Crystal clear. I remember my instructor - light as a butterfly, performing miracles on the pole. I was in awe, it looked like a breeze & I remember thinking "Is she done yettttt... She's shown us 3 times, I've got this!" But what the heck! was it not a breeze. I felt so heavy on the pole with a ton of self-doubt.
I’m never gonna hang upside down no hands. I’m never gonna get into the Cupid. So many thoughts of never this, never that… I had a lot of doubts, but I also had a burning desire to rock it.
100 bruises, torn muscles & stretch marks later - I did rock it. Not all at once & certainly not everything... yet– but it's a continuous process & one which taught me 3 things:
In a big way, pole taught me more than I had bargained for & it taught me things I was able to apply in other aspects of life.
I've come to appreciate that many polers & aerialists have the heart & soul of a champion. #TRUTH
So as I loved poling more & more, and unloved my career more & more, the second epiphany hit me like BAM! And because this world is also all about circles, this one enlightened me out of my premature mid-life crisis.
I recommend at least 1 crisis in your life. It almost takes you out of your life where you observe it like an amused third person. It puts things into perspective. It gives you clarity on what's important & what's not. And although you might feel sadder than you've ever felt, trust that you'll soon feel happier than you've ever felt. Life becomes more worthwhile.
So with this second epiphany... it's actually pretty weird. It's that my true calling was to design beautiful pole apparel. Go figure.
But it was perfect.
So I'm gonna bring it to the world. It's gonna be great. And I'm Australian. It's a plan.
I trashed my corporate apparel to make space for the pole apparel I was yet to design. It was a symbolic act of commitment. I had to have the courage of my convictions. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Foetal position & crawling back to corporate safety in corporate apparel is not an option. (To be honest, foetal position in PJ's living off generous welfare for a few months of grace is an option, thank you Australia.)
I mortified the naysayers (Yay!) - You’re going to design clothes for what?! For pole dancing?!! Do they even wear clothes?! Is there even a market for this? What’s wrong with your sports bra? But your job pays. Blah.
Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own. - Paulo Coelho from “The Alchemist”
For once, shut out the noise & listen to your intuition. Did you know author & authentic are derived from the same word? To be authentic is to be the author of your own life. Love that.
And although my intuition left me with no job & no money, I do have a wardrobe full of beautiful Super Fly Honey pole apparel. And I feel grounded these days, you know? I’ve also made new relationships. How did I even find Joanna, Shayne & Hayley? How am I so blessed?! 3 inspiring, passionate brand ambassadors to be a part of this fresh new beginning.
And World Wide Web & Social Media – thank you for connecting me to beautiful souls around the world. I am grateful to be part of this pole & aerial community – you are all so supportive & passionate.
This is such a long story. Am I procrastinating the launch? Sure, there were a few hiccups & I'll never feel ready & things will never be the 100% perfect I want but Nike says:
Just do it.
Sometimes, waiting to be ready is like waiting for the rain in a drought, you just need to start somewhere... anywhere. Finally, what got me across the line is giving up on perfection. If doing my best meant infinitely perfecting than I need to lower my expectations of what "my best" means. So I did & it's like the rain came. I'm here, I'm ready! Everything was suddenly perfect. And I didn't do a thing but change my mindset. Who knew lowering expectations could be so empowering. So, if you're reading this, I'm above clouds. It will mean this label is no longer indefinitely 'coming soon' (haha!) but definitely here.